1-2: I am a young husband. Because of this I am approaching these verses with not a small amount of fear and trepidation. It is at this point I would like to remind the reader of the title above: "Musings." I am ill-equipped to teach with any real authority on these verses. I am more like a boy on the beach, dirty with sand and sea water, dried kelp stuck in between my toes, contemplating what clean skin after a shower would feel like. None of us is perfect in these things, however, and we wont be until glory. All of life to a certain extent is spent in the same place as the boy on the beach. It is in this that I take hope and proceed in musing on these first few verses.
Peter calls all wives to submit to their husbands. It is the same submission that we have been discussing above, Christian to human institutions, servant to master. The point there, as is here, is that the one submitting is no less equal to the one they are submitting to in God's eyes. They have equal value and equal worth, because they are both image bearers and servants of the King. What we have been talking about is a hierarchical world, one in which by God's design some lead, and others follow. Again, it is this way because God Himself embodies this, and all of the created order is a reflection of who the Creator is. Therefore, wives submit to your husbands. Not because they are worthy to submit to, not because there is something special in them. Peter anticipates this when he goes on to say that it is likely that your submission will be the very thing that God uses to bring about repentance and salvation in the disobedient heart of the husband. Here we find a marvelous paradox. True submission, true following will anticipate true leadership. If a husband is lousy, and we usually are, a submissive wife will often be the key player in bringing about repentance, and true headship. This is so because true following and true submission are in reality first and foremost a description of the follower's position before God. If you are not submitting to God, you cannot submit to your husband. We submit to God first, and manifest this through our willing and cheerful obedience to what He has told us to do. Therefore wives submitting to their husbands is in itself the cheerful act of submitting to the Higher Authority. (I am purposefully leaving out of this discussion the extreme cases of domestic violence, and hardened husbands; situations where a submissive wife should prove her submission to the Higher Authority by leaving her husband, and finding shelter among friends. These situations are very real, and require a different teacher to effectively offer light on that dark path.)
Therefore, wives be subject to your own husbands. God is the author of our lives. God has given us each the spouse we need to be shaped and molded into the image of Christ. When a husband is not obedient to the Word, Peter tells wives that it will not be their words that save their husbands. It will not be their pleadings or their requests, but their conduct, their pure and respectful actions. This takes tremendous faith on the part of wives. It acknowledges that God is the author and perfecter of faith, not us. He is the author of the faith that will fill an unbelieving husband. As Author it will be in His time and in His way. Wives are simply called to be subject to them, showing respect through pure conduct. It is not the respectability of the husband they are honoring. It is the authority of their God they are submitting to, trusting in His goodness and in His wisdom. It is the same phrase we discussed above, entrusting oneself to Him who judges justly. It is not within our power to make husbands more respectable. That is a work of the Spirit. Wives who desire this must depend fully on the work of the Lord, and thereby show their submissive hearts.
3-6: Peter anticipates one way in which wives might be tempted to misunderstand this calling. It is easy to do for it is the way the world works. On the heels of telling wives to submit, he asks that they not consider their worth, nor their glory to be in the main external. "Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-..." The world would say that to win a man, a woman must be externally pretty, wear seductive clothing, and act in a way becoming of such external trappings. But this is not how Christians are to act, nor even to think: "but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."Again we see our priorities need adjusting. God must be honored first. This is not done with braided hair, and gold bracelets while the heart is far from Him. Jesus called the Pharisees who thought this way, white washed tombs. We might call women who think this way gilded headstones. There is a way that seems right unto man, but it leads to death. In honoring God first, we address the main problem, which is our sin. When our sin has been dealt with by the blood of the Cross, we see how God uses inward submission to transform the whole man.
Wives are called to be beautifully adorned, but it is the gentle and quiet spirit that God finds precious. It differs from external prettiness in three ways. First it is imperishable. A gentle and quiet spirit will last for eternity, where as what the world considers beautiful is like a delicate flower; it blooms and promptly begins to fade. Secondly, inward beauty actually accomplishes things. Inward beauty, Peter says, is what will win people, men in particular, to Christ. It is the example of godly submission that declares the gospel. What the world calls beauty cannot do that. In fact it does just the opposite when pursued for its own ends, becoming an idol. Thirdly, inward beauty will always make true external beauty possible, and inevitable. This is most obvious in elderly mothers in the Lord. By the world's standards, they are not pretty, or beautiful. Their skin is wrinkled with age; their hair has gone grey if not blue; and gravity effects their bodies more than the body of a younger person. By the world's standard, this is not beauty. But here again we see the foolishness of the world, and the wisdom of God. Elderly sister saints, having lived lifetimes defined by inward beauty, with gentle and quiet spirits, are the most beautiful people this world can know. To look on them is to be warmed from the inside out. The beauty inside has transformed the wrinkles and gravity stricken body into gems of untold worth. It is the power of the gospel at work. It is the glory of earthenware vessels.
Peter calls on history to exemplify his admonitions. Sarah, and the women of old, showed this type of submission, trusting in God. Again it is faith that defines this type of life. Faith that the sinner of a husband you have will be transformed into the likeness of Christ, just as you hope and trust the Spirit to work in you. Going on mere outward experiences, there is not much to gladden the heart. Husbands screw up, and will continue to do so until glory. But the wife who in faith, submits in her heart and with her hands to God first, and husband second, finds that she can live without being afraid of what her husband might do. She knows that she belongs to Him who is the Author and perfecter of all faith, including the faith defining her husband's life. It boils down to trust. Do we trust God to be faithful, even when we are faithless? Do we trust Him to continue to work in our lives? Do we trust Him pick us up whenever we fall? We should, because He will.
7: Husbands do not get off as easily. Even though Peter gives them only one verse, it is quite a verse. First Peter begins by drawing an analogy to what he has been saying concerning faith, submission and obedience.'Likewise' he says, or 'in the same way'. Husbands must live this life just like their wives, submitting in cheerful obedience to the will and commands of God. This takes great faith, for there is a way that seems right to men. But God calls us back to Himself, to start there, and in the fear of the Lord, proceed. Peter calls husbands to live with their wives with knowledge, or with understanding. It is the greek word that, roughly translated means 'to click'. The lightbulb going on is a picture of this word. This is how husbands are called to live with their wives; i.e. in such a way that everything about them, not least of all their thoughts and emotions, clicks. We are to know who our wives are, understand what and why they are thinking what they are thinking. This is a tall order for husbands, because their thoughts are higher than our thoughts, their ways above our ways. But Peter calls us to grow up. The culture of this world delights in prolonged immaturity. It is one of Satan's primary weapons. 'If we can convince the men that they need not think, or mature, or grow in wisdom,' Satan tells his minions, 'then we can interfere with His plan for them.' Men have been told that women are inscrutable ever since we were little. "Just deal with it" is the attitude taken, which results in eye rolling disrespect on our part, and frustrated sorrow in our wives. But if God, through Peter, calls us to live with our wives with knowledge, and not just the hopeless pursuit of knowledge, then it must be achievable. We must actually be able to do it. If we are able, it will take patience, attention, listening, strength, and most of all, the will to do it. We must not be apathetic to who our wives are. It sounds harsh to say that aloud. To say it that way, makes us cringe and swear we have never been apathetic toward our wives. But we are. Constantly. Whenever we would rather watch the TV then spend time focused on their needs. Whenever we would rather put our nose in a book than take the time and energy to discover how she is doing. "Except a grain of wheat fall to the ground and die, it abideth alone. But if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit." Husbands must die to self. Husbands must die to their own desires and needs. Husbands must die. Else they will abide alone, in the shell of their half-hearted marriage.
Peter continues. We must show our wives honor as a weaker vessel. As created beings, we have all been made to bear in a small and finite way, the attributes and image of God. Together, male and female He made them in His image. The feminine and and masculine together in correct arrangement showcase the fullest image we on earth can bear. Both sexes image both sides but with greater emphasis on one or the other. Generally speaking, men are created to be strong, enduring, leaders. Women are created be loving, compassionate helpers. Men and women have been given frames that aid and are suitable to our different callings. Men are given strong and hard bodies, whereas women are given bodies that grow and nurture others. The two bodies are as different in form as they are in function. Peter recognizes this and understands the female glory that is held in their weaker, less physically strong, frame. Husbands recognize this too, and should not take advantage. We must not strong arm our wives, even though we are physically able to do it. In respecting and honoring their weaker frame, we respect and honor the purpose and image they bear. In respecting them and lifting them up we honor and glorify the Maker, by honoring His great intentions and design. In dishonoring women in domineering and tyrannical ways, we dishonor God Himself, and seek to declare our rebellion from His wise and perfect ways. In obedience we consider our wives as Christ considered His bride. She (we) were helpless and weak, and Christ did not strong arm us into servitude. Rather He considered us, while dead in our sin, as worth saving by means of His own brutal death. This is how we show honor to the weaker vessel. We must die.
Peter concludes this thought with an odd phrase, "so that your prayers may not be hindered." To the thick of mind (husbands) these two thoughts don't belong in the same verse. Honor your wives, we can grasp, even if eventually. But to hear that 'hindered' prayers are a consequence of not doing so, we choke on our academic whisky. You mean to tell me that God takes this stuff seriously? Yes He does. Why? Of all the equally valid reasons that are out there, the one Peter uses is this: They are our co-heirs of the grace of life. They have been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb as have we. They are sisters in the most real sense. And if we say we love God but hate our sister, we are liars, and the truth is not in us. If they are sisters, and share in the inheritance of life, then the same Spirit that dwells in us also dwells in them. If we refuse to honor the Spirit residing in our wives, why would the Spirit of God honor us? Christ gives us one another, and in doing so gives us Himself. We each are members of His body. How can a foot dishonor a hand, and expect to receive honor from the head? We are thick, as mentioned above, in that we do not connect these dots. Worse then thick, we are propping ourselves up as gods, even if unintentionally, in not showing honor to our wives, in not loving them as Christ loves His wife. Again, and always, the answer is to die. Husbands must die. We must die to our own ambitions, our own desires, our own thoughts of direction and purpose. Only then will the grace of Christ raise to new life our own complete persons. And when He does, He will do so in the context of our neighbors, in the context of our families, and in the context of our wives.
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