Custer, Nebraska –
They city of Custer received complaints from several outraged citizens, last Thursday. Their complaint: a man bulldozed his own Mausoleum. Fred Appleton, fourth generation Nebraskan, bulldozed his family gravesite, and made preparations for planting a garden.
“I didn’t like the idea of all those folks just lyin’ there, ya know?” Appleton told reporters. “Seems like they would feel silly if they saw themselves.”
Citizens of Custer take pride in their cemetery. They hold all their civic celebrations in an amphitheater located on the back lot of the burial grounds. Their Fourth of July parade begins at the town hall, near the north end of the grounds, and comes to a climax at the cemetery’s picnic fields.
“Our cemetery has been awarded the blue ribbon no less than 47 times in the annual Midwest Cemetery Extravaganza,” Joe Mitchell, Custer Citizen, claimed. “Every family has their own space, and the grave houses are absolutely beautiful. The architecture varies from Victorian to Modern to Classical. Half of them are two stories high.”
The town’s Mausoleum Architecture and Care firm is the most thriving business downtown. Not only are they responsible for designing and constructing the houses of those who have passed on, but they have teams attending to the daily upkeep. Fresh paint and new shrubberies are always in order.
So imagine the surprise of the town folk last Thursday morning when they woke up to the sound of Fred Appleton revving up his bobcat and leveling his beloved house of rest.
When asked what his plans were, he replied, “I’m thinkin’ of lots of flowers, maybe even an apple tree. I was thinkin’ of buryin’ my family underneath it all, so perhaps their old bodies will finally bear some type of fruit. They didn’t do much of that when they were livin’.”
The judge declined to comment on the direction the case is going. He did say that, “This rashness opens up a whole new can of worms.”
Mr. Appleton goes before the town council next Tuesday.
No comments:
Post a Comment