Thus far, the "Wierd News" category has been populated by some really great, fictional news metaphors that have illustrated some important facets of the life of the soul.
I'm going to deviate from that trend, though, with the following non-fiction story - because it's really, well, incredible. Not incredible like "great" or "fantastic" - incredible like in-credible. Un-believable. Oh no he didn't. This one can't be called anything but Wierd News.
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Nebraska State Senator Sues God Over Natural Disasters
Monday, September 17, 2007
Fox News
Nebraska Democratic State Senator Ernie Chambers has decided to go straight to the top in an effort to stop natural disasters from befalling the world. Chambers filed a lawsuit against God in Douglas County Court Friday afternoon, KPTM Fox 42 reported.
The suit asks for a "permanent injunction ordering Defendant to cease certain harmful activities and the making of terroristic threats." The lawsuit identifies the plaintiff as, "the duly elected and serving State Senator from the 11th Legislative District in Omaha, Nebraska."
Chambers also cites that the, "defendant directly and proximately has caused, inter alia, fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornados, pestilential plagues..."
Chambers says he isn't suing God because he has any kind of beef with the deity. He says the suit is to fight possible laws restricting the filing of frivolous lawsuits. Chambers tells KPTM FOX 42 News that his lawsuit is in response to bills brought forth by other state senators to try and stop lawsuits from being filed.
"The Constitution requires that the courthouse doors be open, so you cannot prohibit the filing of suits," Chambers says. "Anyone can sue anyone they choose, even God."
Chambers bases his ability to sue God, as, "that defendant, being omnipresent, is personally present in Douglas County."
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I think this proves at least two things. First, Democrats aren't really the intellectuals they've worked so hard to make us believe they are. Of course, Al Gore already has "Exhibit A" status there. Case in point here, though, (aside, even, from the clearly ludicrous nature of the claim itself)- Senator Chambers' stated purpose for filing this "suit" was, "To fight possible laws restricting the filing of frivolous lawsuits." Yeah, bravo. The opponants of frivolous lawsuits are all gonna pack up and go home.
Second, when you see someone making their case through excessive and deliberate alliteration, their theology is surely in the pooper.
2 comments:
I feel some one should sue this man for his egregious use of alliteration. It is personally offensive, and harmful to my state as a human being. His use of third grade poetics has caused me emotional distress, and gave me whiplash, due to the surprising nature of his idiocy. I demand that he pay for the crimes he has commited against beauty and the natural (perhaps supernatural)way of life.
Ha! Well said - a salient point
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